


Only if

by sumblast



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: FUCK endgame, Fix It Fic, M/M, My Poor Bucky, i am still hurt, its canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 03:44:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18770509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumblast/pseuds/sumblast
Summary: only if things were a little diiferent





	Only if

He agreed to this don't know why, maybe he didn't even agreed just mumbled but now seeing Steve getting ready to go back ,suiting up in white and red, his stomach churned and his hands started to shake a bit, that's odd cause he only gets shaky when nightmares surround him this isn't any different than a nightmare,his breathing started to waiver as he gulped down the pain that rose above him and got the best of him as always.

This wasn't right he knew it from the very beginning, he wants to stop him, should stop him, that's what his heart wants but his atrocity bared mind provoked him.

you are not worthy, you'll never be enough for him ,your love doesn't matter, he doesn't deserve you.

broken,wounded,a weapon, what gave you the idea that he'll choose you over her.he'll always choose her

He inhaled the fresh air and exhaled all the frustration out, it didn't make much of a difference. His stomach dropped when Steve was all suited and ready, he wore the gps on his hand which was the last straw, his breathing quickened, when Steve was done talking to Clint who was operating this horrendous idea. Steve turned towards him smiling hesitantly, frown still persistent on his face, his movement was hesitant and slow as well. He began to spread his arm to engulf bucky in as a momentarily farewell but Bucky wasn't having that shit..

Bucky backed out, he carefully took a step back,startling and confusing Steve who put his hands back to his place, his confusion changed to something else when his brows furrowed deeply. Bucky saw Clint, Banner and Sam witnessing the act and he didn't want to create a scene in front of them so he measured his steps backwards carefully and went toward the woods until he was no longer in sight. Steve stood there for a whole minute, until Sam's voice startled him

" go steve! talk to him, we'll hold this up for a while "

Steve turned around and gave sam and clint an understanding nod and jogged lowly toward the direction which will lead him to bucky hopefully.It took him few second to find bucky standing beside the tree in front of the lake. Steve sighed and totally understood the way bucky reacted he would be mopping too if he were in his place ,

" buck? what happened " bucky shrugged at the audacity of the question.

bucky didn't turn around, what happened? really steve! his inner voice roared back. Bucky still kept his composure still not wanting to face his biggest fear in the eye.

" we talked about this buck ? you agreed to this, we agreed to this" when bucky didn't answered him back steve grew impatient.

" come on buck talk to me " steve didn't walked towards him or tried to face him and look him in the eye as well. He sat down on the bench hoping bucky would make the first move and unravel.A big part of him wasn't ready to face him as well.

as usual, classic steve rogers.

after few seconds bucky said "well i don't anymore" muttered

" anymore what? "

Bucky turned around finally at the slight raise of voice ,his eyes glassy ,grief and sadness evident on his face as his breath stuttered."you wanna hear the truth stevie, i don't want you to go , and this whole idea of yours is stupid, steve can't you see we won then why pull up with going back in the past bullshit " with that bucky sat down beside him. steve remained quite and started to fiddle with the gps "and i know stones aren't the only reason you are going back " bucky said suddenly waking him up from his stance 

steve obviously didn't tell him about that or took her name but his intentions were clear.how he kept going on about home and where he belongs and its all a blur because he was busy comprehending the situation. Steve looked at him baffled by what he was saying ,he huffed and asked  " what? please enlighten me buck what am i going back for " knowing exactly who he was referring to.

bucky got enraged, and started thinking how to word it out all that has been hiding within him deep down that even hydra couldn't wash it off.

Words weren't his friends any more and expressing his emotions was still hefty and unfamiliar to him, he vaguely remembers the man he used to be all suave and charming making ladies swoon with his words which merely was an attempt to get over his sickly best friend, that man fell off the train long ago,but the love still bores rock solid.

So he gathered all the strength for what he was about to do .

he looked right at steve, moved forward inch by inch closed his eyes so he could not see steve's reaction anymore and dived right in meeting his lips .It wasn't a perfect kiss mainly because steve was stiff and wasn't kissing him back, his heart clenched at the lack of steve's effort but that didn't break him he had to make point , had to tell him before it suffocates him so he put all his feelings in that broken one sided kiss , everything that he wanted to say ,everything that's been eating him up since the last decade .His dignity was officially torn up into pieces but he just went on.

seconds into the kiss bucky felt it his hand rested on his metal one and lips dancing with his,steve kissesd him back with slow motions it wasn't perfect but it was good enough to make bucky cry. They parted bucky's eyes still closed and his forehead resting on steve's "you can go now" bucky said with utmost steadiness making sure his voice doesn't crack, he stood up abruptly so he could not face steve anymore . His heart still pounding like crazy, he was about to walk away when steve caught his wrist tightly forcing him to turn around .

steve stood up ,face inches apart from his , bucky still hesitant not nearly sure what to do now , eyes locked in the sand beneath his shoes not daring to look up at steve's face.He's never been this scared, now that everything is out in the open not clearly but he still doesn't feel sated ,how can he

steve rested both his palm on either side of bucky's cheeks " buck look at me "bucky raised his eyes, now landing on steves face which looked relaxed now as single tear left his eye "oh buck you know why i wanna go back so bad ,whom i wanna go back to, you, buck, you, i wanna go back to that very train where you...buck you were my home i wanna save you from all that shit, from hydra , i wanna save you from all of it, then when we are out of all that i would wanna woo you a little " steve said eyes locked with his. Bucky looked bewildered at the confession " wait ,really i thought you were talking about peggy"

"yeah bout that ,i am kinda mad that when i was talking bout home you thought about peggy  and not me and you , peggy moved on buck i am not going back to her, yes i did loved her for a time mainly forced myself to fall in love because i wanted to move on from certain brunette , who used to cook the best pasta ever" bucky was still in shock .

"i'd always choose you buck so don't even think about that, i just want to go back to overcome my biggest mistake " steve said sternly

" stevie it was not your fault, i want you to stay because we won, and i finally have you all to myself, its you and me pal, so the thought of you leaving again" bucky took a breath , pulled himself together "whatever happened with hydra and all it was not your fault , so please stop blaming your punk ass trust me, i wanna change all of that too.I wanna undo all the lives i'hv took but not at this cost we are here its okay steve we can finally be happy we can stay together , but only if you want too "

" i love you steve i have alwa.. " words betrayed yet again " i love you too buck " steve replied

" no steve you don't understand I LOVE YOU " he emphasized " not in a friendly brotherly way " bucky had to make sure if he's dreaming or not or if that's what steve really wants too .Steve chortled " you do realize we just kissed seconds ago right " bucky smiled sadly "sorry just making sure"

"oh bucky i have loved you since the day i got to know what love is, i know it sounds a bit cheezy but buck you are my home" steve held him closer, hands constricting both his arms "that means you aren't going right ,please tell me you aren't going "

steve kissed his forehead " no buck i am not. can i kiss you now " steve asked , bucky nodded with enthusiasm and he dived in the unfamiliar territory. This one in contrast to previous one was a lot more passionate and intense, Steve nipped at buckys lower lip as he intruded his tongue in, bucky welcomed the intrusion merrily , steve commanding the kiss. Steve hooked his arm in bucky's waist and pulled him tightly towards his body, making sure there was no room left between both of them, they made out for several seconds .Bucky's the one who broke apart "easy punk! don't you have some unfinished business to take care off " he carefully eyed steve

" don't worry, i already talked to him, he'll make a good captain besides i can't wait to retire" steve took his hand and let him out of the woods.

sam was the first one to notice two figures approaching from the woods , he smirked at the sight of two elderly punks holding hands " well about damn time , what changed cap" sam said hands tucked in his pockets steve took the gps off and handed over sam "i have got a reason to stay now" he looked at bucky, who blushed slightly, he couldn't tell "and don't call me cap i think we'hv already established that" steve confirmed with a sly smirk

" i can see the reason standing,still quite greasy though" sam snarked , bucky mouthed 'fuck you' until steve yanked his hand forward . He looked back at sam 

"you'll be a great cap sam"

"wait stevie what about the stones " bucky asked " don't worry we have em under control , now lets go " steve assured him " where to now rogers" bucky asked not leaving his hands for a second.

" home sweetheart"

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> wanted to take my frustration out through fic  
> i am still not accepting the ending


End file.
